The past will hunt you until you die
by TheMagnaka
Summary: Bilbo is back at home, but he's a broken man who had lost everything. Or so he thinks, but is he right? Is there still friends left and can they reach him in time? And what will Thorin do when he hears that Bilbo is dying. modern AU, Bagginshield.
1. Back at home, or is he?

The rain hit hard on his face when he walked through the empty streets middle of the night, heading back at home dragging along his bag.

The weather was perfect mirror of his feelings at that moment. He was tired and empty. He wanted to slip away with the darkness, to forget everything what he had seen in the past year and half. He was finally going home but he had left something of himself behind that he could never get back.

There was story weighing his now so thin shoulders. It hurt, the wound was still so raw, both in flesh and inside his darkened mind. He had hurt so many people knowing what he did. He couldn't forgive himself.

When he walked over the bridge he stopped to look the black river below of him, running fast forward. There was no hope left, he knew that, they would never let him forget.

He forced himself to walk forward until he reached the familiar green door. He picked the key and looked it like it was foreign item, not the familiar key to his own home, heritage from his parents. The door squeaked and he stepped inside knowing that Hamfast had been there taking care of everything, that the pantry would be full of food and there would be fresh sheets on his bed waiting him to crash down.

But never before he hadn't been away so long and never before he hadn't felt that this wasn't his home, that his home was somewhere else, far away from the Shire and the peaceful countryside that surrounded the place. A home where he couldn't go back anymore. Not if he valued his life.

The weak sound of his smartphone made him wince and he fished it out of his wet pocket.

 _ **from**_

' _Let me know when you're back. Please. I'm sorry. I didn't know.'_

He looked the message and deleted it.

No, he couldn't forgive anyone, not himself, not his boss, not his former friends.

He walked through the house, taking in the familiar sight of the books and sofa and fireplace. He peeked inside the fridge and there was some fresh tomatoes, no doubt from his own garden. Weak smile lingered on his lips for a moment, like a ghost from past, but it died away as soon as he closed the door.

Still in his wet clothes he sat down front of his kitchen table suddenly afraid to go upstairs to his bedroom knowing that there would be no one beside him during the darkest hours of the night.

And he knew that there would be nightmares as soon as he would close his eyes, haunting him until his dying day. He shivered and finally took of his jacket, letting it fall on the floor. He kicked off his shoes knowing that the fine leather was ruined, knowing that there was enough money that he would buy a shop whole of shoes if he wanted.

Now he was one of the richest men in the world.

He hated it.

He closed his eyes sinking in warmer memories and the presence of his lover. The time stopped and he could feel and hear him, his deep rough voice against his skin.

" _I love you."_

There were no tears left and Bilbo sighed. He had made his choice and the reality hit hard, his memories crashing down.

To him the whole world was now cold and empty. When he picked up again his phone and logged into his bank account he knew exactly what to do.

By the morning he had done what needed and he dragged himself up and his bed hoping that he was too tired to dream anymore. He pulled the thin blanked over his now dump clothes watching how the sun slowly rose staining bedroom in gold. How much he hated that and he closed his eyes refusing to see its beauty.

From there Gandalf Grey and Hamfast found his shivering feverish form the next evening.

#

 _AN_

 _No beta, English isn't my language, I try to find someone but can't promise anything. Don't read if you don't like, simple._

 _I do not own anything._


	2. Back to the hospital

Gandalf Grey stared the door like it had offended him somehow, his hand squeezing his old handmade walking stick, the knuckles white. Bilbo hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. He regretted that he had not been able to visit the hospital, but the political balance between the two kingdoms had needed his assistance. They had asked him to go through the peace negotiation.

"Has Mister Baggins already came?" new voice behind him asked and Gandalf turned to see who it was. Short stout man with basket whole of garden tools stared him at wide eyed.

"Mr Hamfast Gamgee?" Gandalf smiled kindly knowing how to appease a worried friend. The gardener and neighbor of Bilbo blinked and nodded.

"Yes?"

"I'm Gandalf Green, Bilbo's friend. I know that he's come but…" Gandalf looked back at the door then the windows on the right side. In kitchen's window's there was a light. "No one answers."

The gardener stepped up the stairs and knocked the door.

"Mister Baggins? It's me, Hamfast." He yelled through the door and Gandalf startled the low booming calling. But no one answered. Gamgee frowned and stepped on the lawn and started to walk around the corner until he reached the patio's door and knocked again.

"Bilbo?"

"Can you open it?" Gandalf who had followed him asked with worry and one glance at him made Gamgee to fish out the spare key from his pocket.

The house was cold and first thing what Gandalf saw was abandoned wet clothes and the phone which had run out of battery.

"Bilbo?!" he tried to again. Gamgee was already moving toward the stairs. Gandalf felt shivers running down his spin. It wasn't right, this house to feel so empty, dark corners full of memories from happier times and no one to share them. With heavy steps he turned again to follow up the stairs and the he heard a frightened cry and had reached the bedroom door in an instant.

"What… Bilbo…" he saw Gamgee on his knees his hand shaking Bilbo's still form.

"He's burning. Bilbo, can you hear me?" Gamgee tried to wake up the lighter man but didn't get any response. Gandalf cursed when he tried the clammy skin and without any hesitation pulled up the trouser leg that he could see the wound that he knew was there. The bandage was discolored on dried blood and Gandalf removed it to see better.

"We have to get him at hospital." Gandalf decided and hoisted up the smaller man and noticed in his shock how light Bilbo was. "Not good. This is not good." he walked past the gardener who looked shocked.

"What happened to him?"

"I will take him to hospital to Bree." was Gandalf's only answer. There was no time to explain, he just have to wait Bilbo to do so.

"Right."

"Bring every cold packages what you find. Hurry."

To his satisfaction Gamgee did what told without any more questions. Sensible man. Loyal too what Gandalf knew. But when he opened the front door he stopped when he saw a familiar face staring straight at him over the port.

"Bofur? What are you doing here?" he couldn't help about the cold voice when he stared the one of those men who had casted Bilbo away from Erebor. Bofur had been one of the closest friends of Bilbo during his time in mountain kingdom. One of those who Gandalf had thought to be more sensible to act and do right thing. Gandalf didn't knew every detail only what Balin had told him through the one hurried phone call when Thorin alongside his nephews and Bilbo were send to the hospital after the battle.

"I came to apologize. Bilbo… what is wrong?" Bofur asked with worry his eyes never leaving Bilbo's now shivering form.

"I'm not sure but he's running a very high fever. I need to get him to the hospital." Gandalf walked past him to his own car where his driver waited him.

"Gandalf?" Bofur tried to follow but when Gandalf had lowered Bilbo car's back bench he straightened, and his gaze was icy and that stopped Bofur.

"I trusted you lot to do what is right, to see beyond his doings. But you did nothing. Nothing!"

"I'm sorry…"

"I'm too. And I'm not the one who you should apologize. I have to go. Thank you Master Gamgee. I trust you will take care at the house." Gandalf turned to see now bit of confused gardener who had come with some cold packages.

"Of course but, what hospital…"

"The Rivendell. It's head doctor is Bilbo's trusted friend and will do anything to help him." Gandalf could see how Bofur turned his head away. "Elrond may be the only one who doesn't need to apologize."

The drive through the Shire was uneventful and Gandalf hold Bilbo against him.

"Just hold on my friend. Don't give up, please. I know it hurts. But Bofur is here and I hope… I hope that it's a good sign my friend."

When they arrived the brakes screeching Gandalf was again his official himself.

"I'm marked as his next of kin. Gandalf Grey."

"Ah, yes, well, can you tell us about his medical history?" the nurse asked when Bilbo was moved on the bed and making notice that she should call Doctor Elwingson.

"He was at the war zone the passing year and got shot month ago on his right leg and shoulder. He wore bulletproof vest so he only got his collarbone broke, but the leg wound, it seems to be infected. He got out of hospital three days ago. And he also got his head pumped and concussion. Nothing else, no allergies."

"Is he a soldier?" the nurse looked down the unassuming little man.

"He was, ten years ago. Then he had done journalist work around the world."

"We have to get the fever down. Do you know how long this is going by now?"

Gandalf shook his head.

"I know he got home last night, when it rain heavily. Like always I think he walked at home from the train station."

Then he had to stop because the bed was wheeled inside the private area and the doors slammed shut.

"Can you wait?" The nurse turned to ask and Gandalf nodded and then the nurse was also gone with his patient.

Gandalf stood there only now realizing that his hands were shaking and he let out a deep sight rubbing his face.

"I'm too old to this shit." he turned to find someplace to wait and sit when he noticed Bofur and Bifur running through the outdoors looking around searching him.

Gandalf steeled himself. He wanted to know exactly what had happened during the battle and in particular after that. He wanted answers.


	3. What do you mean?

Balin looked, well, he looked miserable. And it was all because of Thorin and Bilbo. Dwalin looked away. It was all because them all. They were all to blame. They had all done the wrong choice and none of them had apologized, too afraid, too ashamed. And then Bilbo was gone and not a word left behind. Even Gandalf hadn't noticed. Dwalin couldn't but grin. Of course that old man hadn't, it was one of those reasons why he had hired Bilbo. Damn that old meddling goat. Of course Bofur had gone after, first of them who had finally gather his courage.

The phone ring and Dwalin heard Balin answer it. He didn't listen but looked outside where the first snow was landing making it all look so pure and clean, like nature herself was trying to erase the every single mark of the war. It didn't make him feel any better and he turned to see his brother who was ended the call. Balin smiled faintly.

"Good news brother?" Dwalin asked.

"Fili is awake."

"Good boy." Dwalin murmured when he lowered himself on the big chair opposite Balin's desk. "Anything about Thorin?"

"I think he's just angry."

"He's sulking I say."

Balin murmured something under his breath and rustled the papers and documents before him trying to do some works.

Thorin was still in intensive care and the visits were restricted. However, no one had wanted to visit, only Bali who had to do his work had been here. And Thorin to date hadn't wanted seen anyone. Only ones which he was asked was his nephews.

"I think I go to see him." Dwalin said. Balin looked up. "Fili?"

"No, well, him too. But no, I mean Thorin. It seems that too long time has passed him to mull over this whole situation. If Bofur went to the West Midlands to see Bilbo, I go to see Thorin." Dwalin decided but before he could get up and leave he saw Balin frown when he answered.

"Balin here." he looked up at his brother and mouthed Bofur's name.

"Calm down, what is it? What about Bilbo?"

Dwalin watched with growing worry how Balin's frown chanced back to look miserable and sad. There was something broken in his eyes before he leaned forward placing his elbows at the desk and his hand covering the eyes.

"Are you sure? Gandalf was there? No… Yes I tell them. Keep me up of the situation. Thank you Bofur. Yes, yes I do that. I think it's time."

Then he stared the phone and Dwalin guessed that Bofur had hung up.

"Bilbo?" Dwalin have to everything to keep his voice steady and Balin nodded and told what Bofur had said. "It can be nothing."

"Nothing my ass." Dwalin felt his anger to rise.

"Calm down. It seems that I go with you to see Thorin. I don't trust you to be very polite with him with the news."

"And you are?" Dwalin's brows shot up.

"More than you I'm sure." Balin visibly collected himself, placing his political mask against the world.

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say." Dwalin knew his brother better than anyone. And Balin being political meant more dangerous than Dwalin with his knives. Today he didn't felt sorry for Thorin.

#

 _Love isn't difficult, or it shouldn't be. It is right if it feels right to you both._

"Mother…"

"Bilbo, do you hear me?"

Bilbo whimpered in half conscious.

"You're in hospital. Your wound has inflamed and you have very high fever. We are going to try to lower it by icewater."

" _You have been playing with my feelings!"_

"Thorin…"

Elrond watched his friend with great concern. The infection was bad and he suspected a hospital virus. And no doubt about the pneumonia. Bilbo was in in serious problems like always.

"I'm sorry my friend."

" _Stay or be gone, I don't care._ _You don't mean anything to me. Not amymore!"_

"No Thorin… I wanted… help… Help me Thorin…"

Something was wrong with the whole situation, Elrond though when he helped the nurse. If his patient was also mentally and emotionally anguished that sure didn't help a bit.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

" _My mistake that I though with my feelings and not with the reasons. Say yes or no, but stop treating me like a fool!"_

"I didn't, I never did… I love you…"

That stopped Elrond and he reached his hand and gently touched Bilbo's hot and sweaty temple.

"So you did fell in love in the end." He murmured and then looked at the nurse.

"Lets do this."

In Bilbo's delirious mind the pain and the dreams made him scream and he started to fight back. It was lucky that he was so out of it and weak that he couldn't do some serious damages to himself and to others around him. His instinct brought surface his training.

"Thorin!"

 _Thorin twisted his head gasping air and realized that Bilbo was running toward them._

" _No, no…"_

 _Also Azog turned to watch and grinned._

" _Ah, your burglar."_

" _Leave him…" Thorin gasped but Azog just crushed harder and the small black spots started to dance in Thorin's eyes. He watched with terror how Azog raised his gun, noticed how Bilbo still running aimed his own. Two laud shot rang through the thin air._

"Bilbo!" Thorin woke up yelling his former lover's name but soon as he got up the pain in his chest get him back down. He swallowed hard and tried to gain control over his fast beating heart. If he closed his eyes he could still see how the pullet hit and Bilbo fell, never rising again.

"Thorin, should I call the nurse?"

With start Thorin realized that Balin and Dwalin were watching him from the door.

"No, no, don't. It doesn't matter. Why are you here?"

"We came because Bofur informed some bad news. And some good news." Balin stepped inside but Dwalin stayed in the doorway, blocking efficiently anyone to disturb them.

"What is new about the bad news?" Thorin tried to find more comfortable position.

"It's about Bilbo."

Thorin froze. Once, when Thorin had finally woken Balin had tried to say something about Bilbo but Thorin refused to listen. He didn't want to hear anything about Bilbo, but this time Balin rushed forward to inform him what Bofur had said. That Bilbo was back in hospital and they didn't know anything else.

Their king seemed little bit out of it all, looking puzzled. He looked at Balin, then Dwalin and finally remembered to breath again.

"You say, that he's alive?"

Now that wasn't what Dwalin had expected.

#

 _ **AN**_ _/ hah, what a mess! Misunderstandings and –communication are nasty nasty things. Alright, I truly try to update this once a week and hear, there's going to be beta, so just wait._


	4. there's always a war somewhere

" _There's a war."_

" _There's always a war somewhere out there," Bilbo hummed and served the tea from his mother's cups, clean white china, his father's makings. All the Bag End's table-wares were Bungo's makings, he had been skilled so many ways. Gandalf looked at the china with thin but very fond smile, maybe remembering the last time he had been there and looked those cups. When Belladonna had been the one to serve the tea for him._

" _And you have seen most of them."_

" _Maybe. I think that you know better than I." Bilbo just knew that there was a file of him. He knew that Gandalf kept one of him, his organization's eyes everywhere._

" _My organization wants to hire you." Gandalf didn't look up at Bilbo who stared him, waiting patiently. This was a first time that Gandalf wanted to hire him._

" _As a…"_

" _As a burglar." Gandalf shipped his tea looking up behind the cup's rim._

 _Bilbo's hand stopped and he looked his mother's friend eyes wide._

" _I have never stolen anything in my life."_

" _Not true, but it doesn't matter. I want a burglar who doesn't look like a burglar."_

" _I'm a war reporter." Bilbo muttered and dropped the sugar cube._

" _And like I said, there's a war, between Erebor and Gundabad." Gandalf eyed the small pastries and Bilbo pushed the plate front of him._

" _There have always been some kind of skirmish between those two and I hadn't heard anything new."_

" _But we have. King Azog has amassed for himself allies and weapons during the last year. He's planning an attack." Gandalf didn't sound so cheerful anymore, his voice more deeper, eyes more like thunderclouds._

" _When?" Bilbo asked quietly._

" _Don't know yet." Gandalf frowned._

" _And where do you need me?" He put away his cup, placing his hand on his lap, his face blank from emotions. This was now business._

" _I need you to go Erebor and steal the King's Jewel."_

 _#_

Aragorn leaned on the car's side staring the darkness waiting a call or visit from Gandalf. He had noticed that Ur family had arrived two hours ago and he knew that there would be more to come soon. The one who he didn't expect to show up interrupting his gloomy thoughts was Legolas.

"You cut your hair." Aragorn looked up and down the blond. It seemed odd to see him with short hair, "And where's your shadow? I'm pretty sure that your father do not approve you being here alone."

"I do not care what he thinks." Legolas snapped fishing out his tobaccos. "I left."

"So you run away. Congratulations. I'm not sure was that stupid or wise thing to do." Aragorn smiled and Legolas drew a long breath and let out the smoke, relaxing a bit.

"Not sure myself either. I heard that Bilbo is here."

"He's. Gandalf found him and I drove them here barely two hours ago. It seems that the word runs fast around."

Legolas leaned beside him and with the silence they watched how the new ambulance came lights flashing at the yard. For a moment there were shouts and people running and then it was over again.

"You're waiting him to come." Aragorn said eventually.

"No."

"He's here, came three days ago."

"I know."

"I think that they all come here, eventually. And if Gloin comes, so does his son."

Legolas didn't say anything but Aragorn could see the light blush on his cheeks.

"It will be a long night. Coffee?"

"Sure, why not." Legolas snuffed off his cigarette and they walked inside the waiting hall.

#

"He'll be alright. He must." Bombur murmured and refused the chocolate bar what his cousin offered. Bifur stared him a moment then turned to look Bofur whom hopeful feeling from morning had turned into misery.

"I was sure Gandalf was going to murder us." Bofur said and took the chocolate.

 _He had time to that_ , Bifur signed. Then he waved his to the other side of the small room where waited. _But whatever that prat is doing here?_

Bofur blinked when he noticed Legolas with some strange dark haired man when they sat with steaming cardboard cups in their hands. Legolas had cut his hair was the first thing that Bofur realized.

"Master Thranduilion, fancy to see you here." Bofur straightened his back.

"Fancy to see _you_ in here. Though that you abandoned Mister Baggins to his own." Legolas stared back and Bofur have to turn his eyes away when he felt the guilty sting. "I helped him back at home with my father, when he asked us to help him."

"From _Thranduil_?"

"Bilbo is friend of us. Of course we helped him." Legolas' eyes were cold and hard and the man beside him land his hand over Legolas'.

"Easy now. I don't think that Bilbo wants you fight."

"And what do you know about him?" Bofur asked and the man's smile was full of teeth.

"I have known him about fifteen years, when we still fought together in warzone in the South. Believe me, I know him very well. And what you know about him?" the man challenged him but Bofur couldn't but let it be.

"Nothing." his shoulders slumped again. "I thought I knew him, but now I have realized that over the year what time we spent together he never truly told anything about himself."

The man smiled now bit more softly. "I think you know him better than you think. Bilbo rarely lies, if he can help it. He doesn't speak much, he just leaves things go unsaid."

"Well, he never lied about his cooking skills." Bombur said dreamily and Bofur started to laugh. He laughed until he sobbed and Bifur just hold him.

"So you were his contact there." Legolas said quietly and Aragorn nodded. "I was there, the whole time."

"Do you…" Legolas hesitated but curious took over. "You know where it is?"

Shiver run through Aragorn's spine but he forced himself to relax and he closed his eyes and leaned back. "No, I don't know."

He felt Legolas' eyes trying to dig through his skin, but finally relented and sipped his coffee.

"Right. Maybe better that no one knows."

Aragorn nodded. He could still feel the weight of that cursed stone in his hands when Bilbo gave it to him.

" _Be careful my friend. And don't tell even to Gandalf what did you do to it."_

" _He'll never know. I promise."_


End file.
